


"Brother, what are you doing?"

by Fandancer, lizdamnit



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: HEH!, Husband says "I AM NOT HELPING YOU WITH THIS!", Multi, Warning: Loki, Warning: Loki Loins, much fic very crack, putting "pan" back in Pansexual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 11:17:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1426525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandancer/pseuds/Fandancer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizdamnit/pseuds/lizdamnit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!  </p>
<p>But seriously, what about that mixer eh?  That's a foxy little number.....you know what they say about Cuisinarts, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Loki had had one hell of a day. He locked the door behind him and extricated himself from the outer layers of his armor as he walked. He shrugged out of his surcoat and tossed it onto the coffee table, toppling a pile of old takeaway containers from the Wanton Wonton.  Catapulting his cape across the sofa, he made his way to the kitchen and to his collection of reds in their oaken rack.  He pulled a bottle of pinot noir and deftly twisted the corkscrew in.  He sighed as the first cascade of maroon swirled into the bowl.  It was time to unwind and take care.....of Loki.  

 

Carrying the bottle, he padded to the office and settled into his ergonomically (or as he liked to say *erogenously correct*) office chair. He poked the little round button on his laptop and woke the Samsung from its slumber. He clicked on Chrome, and opened his special tab. "Will It Blend?"

 

Loki cocked an eyebrow at the screen, Indeed Tom, will it blend?  Let's find out.  He sipped from the glass as he loosened his belt, and unzipped his leather trousers. He could already feel the tension of the day subside deep within him.  What foxy little number was going to get the spotlight this time?  Auto play on ….or rather turned on….

 

Tom's familiar voice introduced the latest model, the Eris, and Loki’s jaw dropped.  This was a hot number….”sealed sound enclosure….. Illuminated capacitive touch control..…multiple vibration patterns….resonant….USB connectivity for custom programming”  Oh yes, he thought, I’d have some custom programming for that!

 

Loki was so enraptured by the gleaming temptress that he almost didn’t notice the Stark Industries logo on the machine’s base.  Biting his lip, Loki let his hand travel farther south.  “Oh, Stark, what have you done?  You dirty, dirty boy…” he purred as his fingers encircled his now throbbing cock.

 

First on the list was the iPad mini.  Into the blender’s capacious pitcher it went, and within a few minutes it was a pile of grey smoking powder. This Eris was powerful, sensual….she decimated other, lesser gadgets with near-terrifying efficiency and completion.

 

*******

 

Loki didn’t know how many times he watched the Eris shred the cables of those old HP mice, but it was sure doing the trick. His second glass of pinot sat abandoned on his desk.  Sweat dripped down his neck as he stroked harder. He licked his lips and squirmed in his chair, toes curled already as he climbed ever higher into ecstasy.  

 

At that moment, his office window shattered inwards, carpeting the room with shards of glass.  Loki jumped backwards, half falling out of his chair, the impact throwing his notebooks and glass from the desk.  A giant ball of leather and hair and cape rolled in through the newly created hole.  Thor quickly stood up, grinning, and joyously greeted him, “BROTHER!” he exclaimed, his smile faltering as he took in the scene before him.  Loki scrambled to at once cover his impressive, nay, inspiring, erection and close the tab on his browser.  Chrome decided at that moment to freeze, so Thor was left standing, bewildered more than usual at his brother’s private world, and, indeed, his privates.  

 

Loki looked from screen to Thor and back again.  Several times, in mute, dry mouthed horror.  The screen stayed resolutely bright, and Tom cheerfully narrated the destruction of yet more consumer goods.  Loki coughed a few times and stammered "Yes?" as Thor gaped at him.

 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

  
  
  



	2. Carpet Diem

The contractors had left at last, preceded by his still bewildered brother a mere twenty minutes or two hours before. Casting a despairing gaze around his apartment, he let go another deep sigh. All the tension he'd only just begun to loosen had returned - and had brought friends, apparently.

A fine coating of brick dust and concrete pebbles covered every surface, and his wine had long ago saturated his white thick-pile carpet, mingling with the sticky-sweet sauce from the takeout containers. Infuriated, and at last alone, he tore off his gambeson, hurling it into the papasan across the room. The quivering crackle of frustration ricocheted around his ribcage, settling somewhere in the vicinity of his stomach. The electric ache threatened to overwhelm him.

There was only one solace he could seek.

Fifteen amp motor, with the stiffest power brush on the market. The rich lather of her heated auto shampoo, and the awe-inspiring suction of her water extractor. Oh yes; it was time to pull out the Vortex - the most powerful carpet cleaner Stark Industries ever produced.

Reaching into his hall closet, he twirled the tall, cherry red vacuum out, pivoting it on it's ball joint into a dancers dip. He tightened his grip on her molded plastic handle, leading her into the living room. Lovingly caressing her crimson crystalline canister, he gave the power cable a long, hard tug. And another, pulling until all her glorious thirty five feet of power cord lay bundled in his hand. Sensuously, he began to thread it around his torso, dragging the ridged cable over his bare skin. The harness slowly took shape around him as he crossed the cord over his nipples and around his back. With exaggerated care, he managed to raise the frame of the Vortex over his shoulder, threading it through the chest loop by gliding the frame against his skin whilst working some slack back into it before repeating the loop with the much-easier to maneuver plug side on his other shoulder. The drag of the brush roll against his nipple sent shivers of delight through him. Continuing his dance of cable and carnality, he crisscrossed the cords behind him, pulling them into a diamond over his navel, then back over his hips and then forward again through his thighs. The sweet burn of the wire as he worked the slack back into it to complete the tie by securing the knots in the middle of his chest had his cock straining against his leather pants. It took quite a bit of maneuvering to get the cord to lay where he most needed it to.

_Ah, perfect - just enough left to plug it in with_. Shuffling over to the outlet closest to the mess, he slammed the plug into the wall, fumbling for the switch in his eagerness. He jumped as the machine reared to life, the powerful motor pulling the cord taut against his trembling flesh. Pulling her back to keep the tension from cutting too deep, he shambled after her, awed by her rapacious appetite for the rubble and debris. Licking his lips, he stroked the shampoo button lovingly before flicking it hard enough to turn on, his eyes gleaming.

"Oooo, so wet for me. . . . "

As he rolled the Vortex over the ground-in stains, he watched the jets of water and soap flowing from her core to clean his dirty, dirty mess. Yes, he had been a filthy boy, and she was going to make it ALL better. The Vortex had always been his favorite and most adventurous lover; a dependable mistress capable of taking all he could give and still mete out the punishment he so craved. His cock strained against the pressure of the cruelly ridged cord pulled tight against the soft hide that cradled his now raging erection and aching balls. he squirmed in his bonds, enjoying the burn of her rough, rubbery grip. No, the Vortex was not going to let him escape until he too was foaming.

He rolled his hips in rhythm with her rolling and together they made things clean again, lifting the soy sauce out of the deep luxuriant nap of the carpet. Pressing his body to her hard, unevenly warming shell, he gasped as his skin met her unyielding hardness. He was at her mercy.

"Steam clean? Anything for you, madame." He slid the slick switch up another notch and engaged her steam feature. She would know what to do to get that sticky, messy wine out of the rug. The cord around his chest had tightened as he began breathing harder, roughly rubbing his nipples. Glistening with sweat, he gasped as a tremor racked his body - it wouldn't be long now before he made an entirely different mess.

She tugged him along, a willing captive, a god in thrall to her power. Her willing slave, he moved her mighty frame harder and faster, trying to get the friction right. If he could just get the correct speed and pressure, he could finally find relief. He needed her steely discipline, he needed her to make it all better. Harder, and harder again he pushed, pulling her back a little less closely each time to keep the pressure just so. His cock throbbed almost in synch with the back and forth rhythm of her slick, shiny ball, glistening with cleaning solution as his own were feeling the first drops of his salty, godly nectar.

He knew she would demand every drop from him, and he could feel quite the flow surging in his balls. Just a few more strokes, he thought, his eyes tightly shut, muscles clenching and fist in a death grip around her handle.

He almost didn't hear the voices in the hallway, growing louder as they got closer to his door. Enraptured, he barely registered the sound of a key turning in the door, or recognition of Steve Rogers voice saying "Thor, maybe we should have just let the florist deliver them for us… "

Thor, in his usual jovial thunder, replied "nonsense, my captain. I am his brother, and I should offer my apologies in pers- OH DEAR GODS, BROTHER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!?!"

Loki floundered for the switch, trying to turn her off, but instead switching the Vortex into turbo. Pulled forward by her surging motor, he stumbled onto the cord retractor. The sudden impact of her frame against his chest managed to knock him off-balance, the gaping maw of her insatiable brush beginning to pull at his pant leg. The sudden change in friction was enough to send him over the edge even as he flailed, pulling the cord from the socket.

"Good lord," Said Cap. "It's like Berlin all over again!"

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I have no idea...


End file.
